


What Happened That Night

by catchme



Category: The Walking Dead RPF
Genre: Leedus, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 21:59:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catchme/pseuds/catchme
Summary: Andy and Norman finally confront their feelings for each other after being apart for a few weeks.





	1. Chapter 1

San Diego - July 2018

"You trying to sneak off already?"

The voice in his ear made Andy spin round, jarring him from his thoughts. He came face to face with the one and only Norman Reedus.

"I'm kinda tired." He admitted. Staring out accross the ocean. "I'm still on UK time."

"Yeah..don't remind me." Norman growled, lighting a cigarette and offering Andy the packet to take one.

For anyone else they would be standing uncomfortably close. For a normal friendship it would be overkill to be shoulder to shoulder while smoking. But for Norman and Andy it was just the way they did things. The same way they held hands on the red carpet or cuddled on the couch watching South Park.

"I miss you guys so much." Andy admitted, his cheeks drawing in as he took a drag of his cigarette. Norman averted his eyes, worried that Andy would notice him staring. As usual he was oblivious.

"We miss you too, man." Norman forced a smile. "Bet it's good being home though."

Andy smiled wryly as he looked down at his boots.

"It's great seeing the kids. But my marriage has been over for years, you know that."

Norman was shocked to hear Andy articulate the sentiment. He probably shouldn't have been so surprised considering he'd had a front row seat to it: the evenings Andy would show up at his house after an argument, the trips to Costa Rica where Andy shared his room more than his family room, but he'd never heard Andy say out loud that his marriage was failing.

"Sorry, bro. I didn't know it was that bad."

"It's actually fine." Andy shrugged. "Since we admitted it to each other it's like we've become friends again."

"That's good, man. You can finally make your move on Danai..."

"Danai?!" Andy laughed, looking genuinely shocked.

"Yeah man you've been flirting with her all weekend. Hell you've been flirting with her for years." He tried to cover the jealous tone in his voice but sensed himself failing.

"We're just friends, dude. I guess friendship takes on a different level when you make out on screen."

"You'd be punching way above your weight anyway." Norman nudged Andy with his elbow.

"You're right." Andy gave him a look he couldn't quite discern. He was biting his lip and Norman noticed his eyes roaming downwards before meeting his eyes. "I'd better go."

He said it quietly, as if he was willing Norman to make him stay.

"See you tomorrow." Norm said instead.

"Yep." Andy squeezed him, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Love you."

And with that he was gone, walking the short distance back to the hotel. Norman sighed heavily as he watched his friend retreat. The past month it had actually been a blessing that Andy was thousands of miles away. Although he missed him, the fact that Andy wasn't at his every beck and call forced him to busy himself with other things. He hung out with Greg and his family, rode bikes with Jeffrey, went to kareoke with Danai and Lauren. But still in the back of his mind was the same niggling feeling: they weren't Andy. No one else on earth made him feel the way Andy did.

It was 2am by the time Norman got back to his room. He stumbled towards his bed and flopped face down on the duvet. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, half wanting to ignore it but half curious to see who it was he shifted his position to answer.

"You still awake?" Andy's voice was low, he didn't sound like himself at all. If Norman didn't know any better he'd swear he was drunk.

"Just about."

"Can I come over?"

"Course." Norman felt immediately less tired at the prospect of seeing Andy. There was a soft knock at the door a moment later and he sprung up from the bed to open it. He realised he was correct in his initial assessment; the man he'd never seen drink so much as a drop of alcohol was stood before him swaying.

"Dude, are you drunk!?" He laughed.

"I had a couple..." Andy admitted, grinning from ear to ear.

"I thought you were going back to bed."

"Couldn't sleep." He brushed past Norman and headed for the minibar. He poured them both a shot of vodka. "Here you go...to all the good times."

He raised his glass in the air, Norman clicked it with his and downed the shot.

"I thought you didn't drink!" Norman asked, bemused at seeing his friend without his inhibitions for perhaps the first time in nine years.

"I guess sometimes I do." Andy shrugged. "I don't have to maintain the Rick Grimes body anymore. We can't all be as lucky as you."

He placed his hand on Norman's chest. He was lightly caressing his pec with his thumb.

"Lucky how?" Norman breathed trying to sound nonchalant.

"You put all kinds of shit in your body and still look hot." Andy giggled, relishing in the fact that he had clearly made his friend blush. The Dutch courage from the alcohol was giving him a new lease of life. "I miss you." He said again, more earnestly this time. He still hadn't taken his hand off Norman's chest.

They were looking at each other directly in the eye now, Norman could feel his heart beating twice it's normal speed. He hoped Andy was too drunk to notice. He swallowed hard.

"I miss you too. So much. I've been a wreck, man. No one to share lunch with, no one calls me when I'm driving home."

"I'm so sorry." Andy's hand was on the back of Norman's neck now. "It seemed like the right decision at the time."

"And now?"

"I don't know." He buried his head in Norman's chest, inhaling deeply to steady his nerves. He raised it again, staring deep into Norm's eyes.

Before they knew it their lips were locked in a clumsy kiss. It was the kind of first kiss neither of them had seen since school. Their lips clashed together all wrong, their tongues sloppily wrestling and Norman was sure he'd accidentally bitten Andy's lip. They pulled back.

"Sorry." Andy giggled. "I don't know why I did that."

Norman could feel his chest heaving with each breath.

"Are you messing with me?"

"No! No no way. It just...it felt right." Andy's voice was soft, his eyes full of concern. He held Norman's face between his hands tenderly. "I'm sorry. I'm such a mess. Let's forget it happened ok?"

That was the last thing Norman wanted to do, he couldn't even remember how long he'd been feeling this way for Andy. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't get butterflies at the sound of his voice, or goosebumps at every touch. It felt like he might be about to get everything he had wanted for years, only to have it snatched away.

Something within him took over as he grabbed Andy's hips with his hands and pushed his body against the wall. The momentary shock on his face gave way to lust as he pulled Norman's face towards his again. There was nothing clumsy about their next kiss, Andy's hands ran through Norman's hair as he sucked his bottom lip between both of his. His tongue dipped expertly in and out, Norman responded by pressing himself against Andy. Andy in turn swirled his tongue into Norman's mouth, begging him to return the act.

Their lips were still locked together devouring each other as Norman undid Andy's shirt buttons.

"If you want me to stop, I'll stop." He said to his friend in between kisses. He'd made no secret about the fact he'd had experiences with men in the past, but to his knowledge Andy had not. Until five minutes ago he was pretty certain Andy was 100% heterosexual, the fact he was currently kissing him and the sizeable bulge in his pants confirmed otherwise.

Andy nodded.

"It's ok." He pulled the shirt off his shoulders and threw it onto the floor. Exposing his toned muscular torso. He groaned as Norman kissed his neck. Feeling his dick growing harder by the second. And it was ok, for the first time in a long time he could feel the tension drain from his body as he submitted to Norman.

He didn't know why he came to Norman's room, but this somehow felt like the thing that had been lacking in his life. The feeling of Norm's hot mouth on his neck along with his hands roaming down his body felt incredible. He lifted Norman's shirt up over his head and added it to his own on the floor. They pressed their bodies together.

Norman's hands made their way to Andy's belt. He paused momentarily and looked at Andy's face. Andy nodded his consent and Norman undid his pants, he pulled them down along with his boxers, releasing his dick that was painfully erect straining against the fabric.

"Shit..." Norman murmured under his breath. "You're definitely a grower."

He'd only ever seen Andy flacid and loved joking about how much bigger his cock was, now seeing it at full attention he wasn't so sure. Andy smirked in response before covering Norman's lips with his mouth again. Their kiss was hungrier now, Norman's body was fully pressed against his. He clung to Norman's waistband frantically fumbling with the buttons to rid him of his jeans. He pushed them down over Normans hips, licking his lips as his cock sprung out of them.

Andy gasped as Norman's hand encircled his dick. He pumped it slowly, seemingly enjoying the low moans it elicited. Andy dug his nails into Norman's back, using his broad frame to steady himself.

"Fuck." He grunted, his beautiful British accent was thick with desire.

"Oh my god, Norm." He continued. Norman was getting off on how vocal he was being, his thick cock was coated with precum already. He reached down to stroke himself as Andy continued his exclamations.

"You gonna let me fuck you?" He growled. A few hours ago he'd never be so bold as to ask Andy such a question. But here, in his hotel room with Andy at his mercy, his cock twitching in his hand it seemed like a natural question.

Andy's desire gave way to nervousness.

"Is that what you want?"

Norman nodded.

"Then that's what I want too. I just don't know if I...can..."

Norman took his hands and lead him to the bed.

"We'll take it slow, ok?"

Andy nodded as he lay down.

"And any time if it don't feel right, you gotta tell me."

"Ok." He replied shakily.

"Ok." Norman went to his suitcase to retrieve the tube of lube he always carried, he lay down next to Andy.

Andy was biting his lip, desperately trying to get his muscles to relax.

"It's alright, I got you." Norman murmured quietly, stroking his dick to try and relax him. He knelt to position himself at his entrance, his own dick coated in lube. He gently pushed himself inside, ensuring that he took it slow.

"That ok?" He asked his friend.

"Yeah." Andy swallowed hard, the new sensation felt incredible. Norman relaxed his arms so his body was pressed against Andy's, he began to thrust.

He pushed himself upwards, needing to deepen his thrusts. Andy grabbed hold of his own dick, pumping it in time with Norman's thrusts.

Andy's lips made contact with Norman's neck, he rested there slowly sucking at his skin. He felt the waves of pleasure building in his core.

"I'm gonna cum." Andy growled through his teeth. Norm nodded, knowing he wasn't far off himself. He concentrated on Andy's face, watching his slightly open mouth clench as he threw his head backwards. "Holly fuck..." His whole body convulsed as he said it and he released into the space between them.

It was all Norman needed to send him over the edge into oblivion. He pulled out and stroked himself as his own orgasm took over, his cum landing on the duvet. He flopped down on the bed next to Andy. Neither of them spoke for a moment.

"Was that what you came here for?" He asked.

"No Norman, that was not what I came here for." He chuckled.

"You gonna stay the night?" Norm studied his face as he asked, worried that something had changed between them, but he saw nothing there apart from a huge smile.

"Course." They giggled as their flailing limbs made it inside the comforter and entwined themselves in each other. "Goodnight Normy" Andy yawned.

"Night" Norman growled back, kissing his friend on the cheek.


	2. Maybe a two-time thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy and Norman are together again for the premiere of season 9, and find they can't stay away from each other.

Los Angeles - September 2018

Honey, I'm home.

Norman's phone pinged as Andy's message appeared on the screen. His heart skipped as he hastily typed his reply.

What room?

681

He checked his hair in the mirror and ran a hand over his greying beard. He removed his trademark raybans and practically sprinted up three floors to see Andy.

The two months since San Diego had been a whirlwind. They'd both agreed that what happened in San Diego could never happen again. Andy in particular had emphasized it was a one-time thing, but maybe Norman had imagined the increase in messages and selfies. Maybe it was Norman himself who was assuming a new flirtatious tone to the messages. The guy who had a flip phone until very recently was suddenly sending an abundance of 'after gym' shirtless shots, and seemed to have a strong command of emojis.

He hammered Andy's door with his fist, it flung open and he bounded inside to greet his friend. Andy looked great as usual.

"I can't believe you're here." Norman beamed as Andy flung his arms around him.

"Me either! My flight was hell, so much turbulence I couldn't sleep or anything. I'm knackered." He yawned and checked the digital clock on the nightstand finding it was still only 4pm. "So you'll have to keep me awake this evening." He was half smiling at Norman as he sat himself down on the bed, patting the other side.

Norman dived on the bed next to him and Andy flung himself back and shifted his body so he was level with Norm, he propped himself up on his elbow.

"You wanna go for a swim?" He asked.

"No!" Norman groaned. He had forgotten how exhaustingly active Andy was, even when he was tired he maintained such a high level of activity that Norman was sure he wasn't even human. "You gotta learn to relax."

"Ok so what shall we do?"

"We don't have to do anything! We can just hang out, can't we? Watch some TV. We gotta go down for dinner in a couple hours anyway."

Andy fiddled with the remote, failing miserably to get the TV to change from the welcome channel.

"You do it." He threw the controller at Norman who in turn giggled at his friends ineptitude with technology.

"Here we go, Friends is on."

"I love this episode." Andy said, already laughing. He moved closer to Norman and nestled his head into the crook of his shoulder. Norman was glad that their friendship hadn't changed since the night in San Diego, but their level of intimacy was harder to stand when his brain was still racing with images of Andy naked and writhing beneath him. "Am I hurting you?" Andy looked up at him with his deep blue eyes.

"No, course not." He rested his head on top of Andy's, enjoying the movement as Andy laughed at jokes he'd surely heard a hundred times before. In this moment, it all felt right in the world.

"Jesus, my eyes." Andy was squinting as he finally came away from the press line.

"I know, it's so fucking bright." Norman put his sunglasses over his eyes to try and lessen the dazzling as they made their way to the theatre.

He took his seat next to Andy, knowing full well that as soon as the episode started he'd be out the door. Andy got up to do a short speech, got a standing ovation and practically bolted out the door as soon as the theme music started up. Norman rose from his seat and squeezed past his cast mates to follow Andy outside.

He found him chatting to his publicist outside, Andy waved him over as soon as he saw him.

"I'm going to go straight to the party." He explained while his publicist arranged the car to collect him.

"I'll come with you?"

"You sure? I know how much you love to watch yourself."

"I've seen it already." Norman smiled as he held open the door to the waiting car for Andy to get in. They drove the short distance to château marmont where the party was all set up for the cast.

"What are you drinking?" Andy asked, removing his jacket and placing it on the back of a chair.

"Uhh I'll have a red wine." Norman said the first thing that came to his head. He was too distracted by how good Andy's arms and pecs looked in his white shirt that was just the right level of see-through but succeeded in leaving most of it to the imagination.

"Alright...I'll be back." Andy rubbed his back as he went to the bar, Norman watched as he walked away. He moved through the world with such confidence and ease that Norman wasn't sure if he should be aroused by it or jealous of it.

He relaxed back in his chair as Andy appeared with the drinks.

"You not drinking tonight?" He noticed the diet coke.

"No." Andy smiled wryly as he set the drinks down on the table and slid into the booth next to Norman. "I don't really want to get into trouble again, do I?"

"Trouble? Is that what I am now." Norman nudged him with his knee.

"No..." Andy was smiling as he said it. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but closed it again.

"What?" Norman cocked his head to the side. Andy sucked in his cheeks as he inhaled.

"That night..." He began. "I didn't...I don't want you to think it was just because I was drunk."

Norman wasn't sure what to say, he was taken aback by Andy's willingness to discuss it again. "I know." He decided on for his response.

"I only had a couple, I knew what I was doing."

"Mmmhmm, just a one time thing though right?"

Andy said nothing for a while, he nodded firmly as he bit the side of his lip.

"Come on." He changed the subject. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

The rest of the cast trickled in once the viewing had finished and the room quickly became one big mass of bodies and noise, all in elated spirits after a well received premiere episode of their show.

The party got in full swing very quickly. Andy worked the room like a pro, chatting to new cast members as if he'd known them for years, talking about golf with the network execs. Norman was in awe of him. He always seemed so at home no matter where he was, Norman always felt like an outsider even when he was with people he'd known forever. The only person who made him feel comfortable was Andy. He didn't have to pretend with Andy, never had to check himself. He was lost in his thoughts as the man himself walked up to him with his hand outstretched.

"Dance with me." He said in his British accent, his perfect blue eyes holding that familiar twinkle.

To anyone else it was just an extension of their bromance, as Andy grabbed onto Norman's ass cheeks and Norman pretend humped him. Everyone around them clapped and laughed and then soon moved onto the next funny moment as Khary and Angel started a dance-off. But Norman kept Andy's body tight to his as the song changed to something slower.

He was the only one who felt Andy's heartbeat quicken as he pulled himself closer, only he could feel the unmistakable bulge of Andy's cock pressing against his. Andy rested his head on Norman's shoulder as Norman took his hand in his. Feeling brave, Norman planted a kiss on Andy's cheek as they swayed together.

"Just a one time thing." Norman whispered into his ear.

"How about a two time thing." Came his dance partners response.

The ride back to the hotel was a blur, Norman couldn't even remember who he'd said goodbye to if indeed he'd said goodbye to anyone. All he could remember was Andy's palm on his dick in the back seat, teasing him through his layers of clothing. A stolen kiss in the elevator before they burst into Andy's hotel room.

"Fuck." Andy breathed. "You don't know how badly I've wanted this." He was removing his own shirt and tie before working on Norman's.

They were both stood shirtless in the center of the room, they hadn't even bothered to turn on the light. The only illumination in the room was the home page of the television that Andy had once again failed to switch away from.

"Let's take it slow." Norman took Andy's hands in his as he said it, Andy nodded in return. He closed the distance between him and Norman and took his face in his hands. He planted a tender kiss on his lips, lingering for a few seconds. Norman reciprocated by deepening the lip lock, enjoying pressing on Andy's plump lips. He used his tongue to part them and invited the same response.

Andy spun him round and gently pushed him on the bed. Norman shifted himself upwards, aroused by Andy taking control. Andy climbed on top of him, straddling him so their dicks were pressing against one another through their clothing.

Andy turned his attention to Norman's neck, his plump lips deftly leaving a wet trail of kisses downwards. Norman let out an involuntary grunt as he felt his cock twitching. Andy continued his trail downwards, momentarily stopping at Norman's nipple to swirl his tongue over it, flicking it until it was hard.

He cursed himself for telling Andy to take it slow, his pace of kisses was tantalising as he reached his waistband and trailed kisses along allowing his tongue to dip in between his skin and his belt.

He pulled Norman's belt and buttons open, pulling his pants and boxers off along with his shoes and socks. Norman was completely naked in front of him, he saw Andy lick his lips as his eyes roamed down his body.

Andy turned his attention to Norman's cock, first his hand and then his tongue licking upwards towards the sensitive tip. He did it a few times and clearly relished the whimpers and moans that were eminating from Norm's mouth.

He focused on the tip, swirling around it with his tongue before engulfing it in his mouth. His mouth and hand worked in unison pumping up and down.

"Shit." Norman mumbled. "You sure you've never done this before?"

Andy smirked and returned to his station. Norman watched in awe as almost his entire length disappeared into Andy's mouth, he moaned as he felt the tip hit the back of Andy's throat and he thought he would cum right then and there as he felt him swallow onto him.

"Fuck." His explitives continued as Andy carried on deep throating him, allowing him small respite every time he removed his mouth slowly but going in for the kill again surrounding him and swallowing him whole.

"Jesus you gotta stop." He chuckled as Andy relented. "I'm gonna cum."

Wordlessly Andy went to Norman's suitcase to retrieve the tube of lube. He removed his bottom layer of clothing and squirted the cool liquid onto his palm and knelt on the edge of the bed stroking himself.

"You're so sexy." He said in his divine British accent. Norman smiled, partially at how polite he sounded and partially because he couldn't believe how lucky he had gotten twice now.

There was no doubt in Norman's mind that he was the one getting fucked this time as Andy placed a finger inside his entrance, he studied Norman's face as he did so and Norm nodded in response. His middle finger joined and he expertly worked Norman's sweet spot preparing him for his length.

Andy stepped backwards off the bed motioning for Norman to join him. He obliged by moving downwards, Andy spread his knees apart and positioned himself at his entrance. He added more lube before slowly and gently pushing himself in.

"You ok?" He asked. Norman could only nod, desperate for the rest of him.

Andy gripped Norman's knees tightly as he pushed his cock deep inside. It felt unreal. Norman had never been fucked before, but with Andy it felt right. He felt his body tingle as Andy began to move slowly in and out of him. He reached for his own cock which was now painfully erect.

"No." Andy mumbled, gently moving Norman's hand away.

"C'mon man." Norman moaned.

"We're taking it slow." Andy said through gritted teeth as he steadily pushed his cock into Norman.

Andy ran his hands up and down Norman's thighs, the sensation was driving him crazy. He bucked his hips to speed up Andy's thrusts. Once again he tried to grab hold of his own cock, needing to feel some friction. Andy moved his hand again and pushed Norman's hands above his head, kneeling up on the bed to get better leverage.

He was still going at his tantalising slow pace, his lips sucking deliberately on Norman's neck.

"Fuck, Andy."

Andy could only moan in response as he felt himself getting close to orgasm. He moved one hand from above Norman's head to tend to his cock. He moved his hand up and down slowly, rolling his palm over the tip. Norman let out a series of gasps as the double sensation of Andy driving into him and rhythmically pumping his cock drove him to the brink.

"I'm gonna cum." Andy grunted as he quickened his pace.

He released into Norman at the exact same time as Norman let himself go. Andy rolled off him, breathless and spent.

"You ok?" He asked Norm, remembering how exposed and vulnerable he'd felt after Norman had fucked him.

"Mmmhmm." Norman nodded.

"C'mere." Andy pulled the cover around both of them and drew Norman into his chest.

Neither of them spoke. They let their breathing return to normal and fell into a deep sleep.


	3. What if we fail?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything starts to fall apart for Andy and Norman.

New York - October 2018

"Norm?..." Andy's concerned voice echoed from the reciever.

"I'm still here." He said quietly. Andy's bombshell had left him speechless.

"Look, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you in person but we just haven't had any alone time and I'm flying to New York tomorrow."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I'm happy for you that you're working things out with Gael." His voice sounded hollow, he hoped it didn't translate to the other side of the phone. "I just don't know how I feel about seeing her after we..."

"I know I know...I'm sorry...I'll see you in a couple of days ok?"

"M'kay..."

Andy audibly sighed, knowing how the news would go down, but feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. He should have told Norman straight away that he was giving it another go with Gael. He hadn't expected her to call to tell him she was flying out to join him for New York Comic Con. He also hadn't expected to feel so flat about it.

"Bye Normy." He tried to pacify him with his little nickname. It didn't work, Norman hung up without saying goodbye and threw his phone onto the couch. He felt an odd rage bubbling up inside him. It was stronger than jealousy, it burned like heartbreak.

...............................

Norman sighed as he heard the knock at his door. For the first time in their friendship he didn't want to see Andy.

"You not done enough tonight?" Norman growled.

"What's up?" Andy stepped into the room and tried to hug Norman.

"You really gotta ask?"

"I've been an asshole." He admitted, his head was bowed.

"Yep." Norman chuckled in spite of himself. "You of all people. I knew you were too good to be true." He shook his head.

"Norm, come on man. I hate you being mad at me."

"Save it." He growled. "You didn't have to sit there in front of my eyes, draped over her."

"Norman." He said it softer now. Gently holding Norman's shoulder to keep him from walking away. "I've handled it badly I know. I didn't know she was coming here until two days ago. And I should have told you sooner that we were giving it another go or I should have told her not to come. And it was her! She was the one with the sudden PDA display... you know I'm not like that..."

"Why'd you fuck me?" He whispered. Feeling more vulnerable and exposed than either of the times they'd had sex. "Why'd you fuck me if you knew you were going back to her?"

"Because..." Andy opened and closed his mouth before shaking his head.

"It was a big deal to me, man." Norman said shakily.

"Norm, it was a big deal to me too...please...I never want to hurt you."

"Yeah well you did."

"I miss you so much it hurts." Andy shifted his head to the side to look at Norman's face. "And let's not forget you're about to have a baby. It's not like you're free and single. And I feel...so...lonely. All the time. So when Gael said shall we try again, I felt like we might as well."

"Diane knows what's up, she doesn't ask questions."

"Can you honestly see us riding off into the sunset together?"

"It's all I think about." Norman wanted to say, but he buried his answer.

"I guess not." He decided to say instead. Andy didn't respond, he stared past Norman's head at the large window in the background. Norman moved towards the door. "Did you wanna say anything else?" He opened the door.

"Please don't be like this." Andy pleaded, his feet still rooted to the floor.

"I gotta get some sleep." Norman gestured to the hallway outside the door.

With a heavy sigh and the heaviest of hearts Andy made his way out into the corridor of the hotel. He looked left and right at the vast space and for the first time in a long time he felt like he had no where to go.

His conscience told him to go back to his sleeping wife, climb into bed and go to sleep. A loud voice screaming inside his head told him to go back inside Norman's room and tell him everything that had been on his mind the past few months. He did neither. Against his better judgement he headed down to the hotel bar.

He sat down on a stall at the end of the bar, he forgot what alcohol he even drank when the bartender asked for his order. He asked the young man to surprise him and ended up with a rum and coke in front of him.

"I thought you'd gone to bed?" He turned around to see Danai had wandered into the bar.

"I couldn't sleep." He said with a heavy sigh.

"It's been quite a day."

"Yeah."

"You want some company?"

He didn't really want any company, but his manners got the better of him. Along with the nagging feeling that he probably shouldn't be left alone for too long with his own thoughts. He gestured to the empty stool next to him and Danai climbed up.

"What are you drinking?" He asked as he flagged down the bartender.

"What have you got?" She peered into his glass.

"Rum and coke." He said as he downed the drink in a few easy gulps.

"Sounds good."

"Two rum and cokes please."

"You don't have to talk to me." Danai said as she checked her lipstick in her compact mirror. "I can tell you're not really in the mood."

Andy smiled and let out a small hollow chuckle.

"It's not that. I just feel a little talked out."

She sucked up her drink through her straw, surveying him for a second.

"Norman told me what happened in San Diego." She told him plainly.

Andy almost choked on his drink.

"What?" The feeling in his stomach was indiscernible. Shock mixed with fear mixed with dread.

"I haven't told anyone. I won't tell anyone, you know you can trust me."

He nodded slowly. He did know he could trust Danai, but he just didn't know how to feel about someone besides him and Norman knowing their secret. He quickly looked around to see if they were being listened to, but a quick scan of the bar told him they were the only people in earshot of each other.

"It happened again last week." He offered. "At the premiere."

"And now?"

"Now it's over." He swirled the diluted drink and ice round in his glass with his straw.

"Is that what you both want?"

Andy shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know what I want." He admitted. He wasn't sure he'd said it out loud, even to Norman.

"Answer me this, are you back with Gael because you love her?"

He took a second to consider the question, becoming painfully aware that he didn't really have an answer.

"I suppose I'll always love her." He offered.

"That's not what I asked."

"My children need two parents."

"And they'll have that regardless."

"I don't want to fail. I don't want to fail at my marriage. I don't want to fail at...being straight...I guess." He scoffed at how ridiculous it even sounded, it was just that before Norman came into his life he felt so certain of who he was. Now he knew nothing. His whole identity felt like it had changed overnight.

"I hate to break it to you." She rested her arm accross his shoulders. "You kinda already failed that last one."

In spite of himself, he laughed. He laughed at how ludacris he sounded trying to explain it. He laughed because saying it out loud finally caused him to confront whatever the fuck it was that was happening.

"I'm tired of feeling unsure." He admitted. "I know I don't love Gael the way I should. I know I love Norman way more than I should. I don't want anyone getting hurt and yet I feel like I'm hurting them."

"And what happened tonight?"

"I've just been a jerk. Me and Norman argued because he feels like I've been lying to him. Maybe I have, I don't know."

"You're not a jerk, Andy. You just need to stop worrying about what should be happening and face up to what's actually happening."

"I know." He smiled at her through a sigh.

They sat in silence for a moment, each tending to their drinks.

"What makes you happy?" Danai asked.

He paused, not because he didn't know the answer, but because he was scared of what saying it out loud would do.

"Norman."

Danai finished her drink and slid down from the bar stool. She kissed him on the cheek.

"Seems like you've got your answer." She said as she hugged him.

"Thanks for listening."

"Anytime."

"You need me to walk you to your room?"

"I think I'll be ok, Andy." She giggled and sauntered off.

Andy sighed as he walked towards the elevator. On autopilot he pressed Norman's floor number.

"Andy, I said..." Norman looked confused and pissed as he noticed who was at his door.

"Just hear me out, ok?" Andy stepped inside the room.

"You've said enough."

"You never have to talk to me again after this. Just let me speak please?"

Norman half nodded and shrugged his shoulders.

"I thought I was happy...when we met. I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew who I wanted to be. And then bit by bit you changed that. You made me want to be funnier, you made me want to be smarter...you made me want you."

He paused to try and steady his trembling voice.

"You're amazing, Norm. I've never met anyone like you before. I still can't believe someone like you would want to be friends with someone like me. And the closer we got the more scared I became because you made me question everything. And then when what happened in San Diego... Happened I was so confused. Because in 45 years I've never felt that close to someone. All I do is think about you, even when I try and put you to the back of my mind. And I don't even know what I want from you. I was a fucking idiot this weekend. I don't even know why I didn't tell Gael not to come. And now you're mad at me and I'm so mad at myself..."

Exasperated he found his arms in the air.

"I have no idea what I'm doing." He continued. "I just know that nothing seems to make sense anymore when I'm not with you. It's not just a sex thing. It's everything. You...are everything."

Norman stared at him speechless. Andy felt his chest rise and fall heavily with every breath. He sat on the edge of the bed.

"Do you want me to go?" He asked, worried that Norman hadn't said anything.

Norm shook his head.

"No...I just...I'm not as good with words as you." He finally replied.

"You don't have to say anything." Andy stared at his hands in his own lap. "I just needed you to know all that stuff."

Norman sat next to him on the bed and rested his head on Andy's shoulder.

"It's like you said though. We ain't exactly gonna be riding off into the sunset are we?"

"I wish we were."

"Andy...I think...I think us seeing each other is fucking with my head."

"Me too."

"I don't know if it's a good idea." Norman looked at the ground as he mumbled the words.

"Dude, did you not hear what I said? I can't live without you." Andy said as his breath caught in his chest.

"You know I love you man. But I think with us...I think it's all or nothing. You know?"

Andy nodded. He knew. He squeezed his eyes shut, pressing his thumbs to his eyelids in a futile attempt to stop the tears.

"I've fucked everything up." He whispered as the tears dell down his face.

"You gotta go be married man. Do your thing."

"I don't want..." He gulped back the sob that rose in his throat.

"I know. I know."

"I want you."

"I want you, but we can't. It can't be like it."

"So...what are you saying?"

Norman closed his eyes. His brain whirred.

"I'm saying, I think we should give each other some space."

Andy nodded slowly. His mouth opened and closed again when he realised anything else he could say would be futile. He felt exhausted and spent from their emotional evening. He could still feel Norman sat close to him and it was killing him.

He rose from the bed, staring down at his best friend.

"I love you, Norman." He whispered before he turned on his heel and walked out of his room and out of his life.


	4. I Miss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy and Norman try to forget about each other.

England

The winter had seemed endless for Andy. He'd had very little contact from any of his friends in Atlanta. He was still part of the group email chain and there was always someone sending a message, but not being on set made him feel so disconnected. He didn't understand the inside jokes anymore, more and more people were being added, the names of whom he didn't even recognize. He eventually started just deleting the emails without reading them, it made him feel a weird homesickness every time it dropped into his inbox.

Greg called him every couple of weeks and he exhanged the odd message with Jeff and Danai. He busied himself with the kids, threw himself into the PTA who were grateful for the extra help around the holidays. He took long long rambling walks with his dog, hoping that the soreness in his legs and bitter wind against his face would take away the heavy feeling in his chest. But it was no use and as Christmas fast approached, his heart still ached for Norman.

"...Andy?" Gael peered at his face as he stared into his cup of coffee.

"Wha...sorry. I didn't hear you."

She sighed.

"I said, do you mind doing the school run this morning? I want to go to the gym before we head into town."

"Mmhm, sure." He said into his cup.

"And maybe try and cheer up a bit, it's almost Christmas after all."

"I know." He said softly. "I'm sorry. I am excited for Christmas." He forced a smile even though he knew his voice sounded flat. He knew he was being unfair, she's done nothing wrong and yet had to deal with him moping around the house for the last few months.

"We need to think what we're getting for your parents." Gael tended to the dishes in the sink as Andy got up from the table. "And for my brother. I can't believe we've left them so late."

"We've got plenty of time yet." Andy reasoned as he put his cup on the kitchen side. He gave her shoulder a squeeze and planted a token kiss on her cheek.

"What was that for?" She smiled.

"I need an excuse to kiss my wife?" He laughed. He hoped it didn't sound as fake as it felt. "Kids! Come on! We've got to go to school!"

"Dad...?" Arthur asked from the back seat, his voice tentative. "How come we don't speak to Nanny Norman anymore?"

The question hit Andy like an arrow and he was grateful his son couldn't see his reaction. He felt himself visibly flinch at the mention of his name.

"He's busy, kiddo." Andy replied after a beat. "He and Diane just had a baby." He realised with a pang that he had yet to congratulate Norman on his new arrival, but Norm had made it very clear he didn't want to hear from him. So he'd left it.

"Are we going to see the baby?" His daughter asking this time.

"I don't know, sweetie. We don't want to impose."

"Well Norman and Diane said that we can go and visit them in New York remember? And you and mum said that we could and you said even maybe for Christmas. And it's Christmas soon so maybe we can call him and see?"

"Maybe." Andy fixed his eyes on the road, grateful to be pulling into the school gates.

'''That always means no." Tilly sighed.

"It doesn't." Andy laughed. "It means maybe, now get outta here before you're late."

He watched his children make their way into their giant school, only driving off once they were safely inside. He and Gael had been planning a trip to New York this Christmas. She and Diane had worked out the details months ago before any of this happened. Then it had fizzled out and every time Gael had bought it up Andy had closed the conversation.

"Have you and Norman had a falling out?" She had asked him one night.

"What? No, why?" He had snapped back a little too quickly.

"You never call each other anymore." She shrugged.

"I guess we've both been busy." He had brushed it off, hoping she wouldn't read too much into it as she knew that even when they were busy Norman and Andy always made time for one another.

He drove the short distance home and waited in his kitchen for Gael to return from the gym so they could go Christmas shopping. His thumbs hovered over his phone, Norman's name in the contact bar. So many different versions of the same message ran through his mind as he typed and re-typed the same jumble of words again and again.

In the end he settled on three words, he typed the text then immediatly put his phone on the counter as if touching it would stop the message sending. He knew Norman wouldn't be up for hours

He eventually dared to check. He opened what's app and saw his message: '''I miss you" with two blue ticks to the right of the text. His heart skipped a beat. He regretted sending it, he'd agreed to leave Norman alone. He wouldn't be surprised if he got no reply.

New York

Norman was awake again. He'd woken up at 2am to feed his newborn daughter and hadn't made it back to bed. He was on Tumblr looking at the memes that fans were making about the show. He used to send the funniest ones to Andy who in turn would be confused and then laugh at them.

It was about 4am when he finally drifted into an uneasy sleep on the couch, only to be woken again an hour later by his phone buzzing on the coffee table. He ran a hand over his face to try and draw himself fully from his slumber and let his eyes slowly focus on the screen.

'I miss you.' The words jumped out the phone and it felt like they hit Norman in the stomach. The air sucked from his lungs as he stood up and paced the living room. Images flooded his mind of Andy. He thought about where he was right now, was he out walking...sat at his kitchen table...in bed...

His hands shook as he stared at the message, afraid to flick to a different screen in case it disappeared forever. He smiled at the thought that Andy was thinking about him, more than that he was missing him. He was desperately missing Andy too. He missed the big things like his warmth, his smile and the way his arms felt wrapped around him. But he missed the small things too. The way he cocked his head to the side when listening intently, the way he pursed his lips when he felt insecure and the little shake of his head he used to do when Norman got too outlandish and ridiculous.

"You fucker..." He muttered under his breath. He'd told Andy to leave him alone, by rights he should be mad. But he wasn't. He was happy that Andy was 3000 miles away and seemingly as unable as Norman was to quit thinking about him.

He decided not to reply. He decided to wait and see if he messaged him again. He longed to pour his heart and soul into a message, but it would be no use. He remembered with a pang that Andy and his family were due to visit New York over Christmas this year. Gael and Diane had been planning it, but had stopped due to he and Andy both clearly putting barriers in the way.

He wished he hadn't been so stubborn and obstructive. He wished he'd just let the women book the trip. He wished he and Andy could go back to how they used to be, but a much larger part of him just wished to hold Andy again.

England - Christmas Eve

Andy pulled into his driveway after a long drive back from the airport. His impromptu family ski trip to the Alps had been just what everyone needed, but they were all exhausted now and barely any of them spoke as they dragged their luggage inside.

"We'll sort it later." He said to Gael, knowing she would likely want to start unpacking and doing laundry right away. "Just relax."

"This will make me relaxed." She shot back. She opened the cases to sort the clothes into piles, the children had made their way upstairs to re-aquaint themselves with their games consoles and iPads.

"Well it was nice to talk to them for a week at least." Andy chucked, gesturing upstairs.

"Hah!" Gael barely cracked a smile. Andy sighed.

"What's up?"

"Nothing." She was using a heavy hand to sort the clothes out now. "I'm fine." She carried the pile of clothes to the laundry room and out of his sight.

Andy knew that his marriage had been ruined last time by the lack of communication, mainly on his part. He knew he should follow Gael and talk about whatever it actually was that was bothering her or all the hard work they'd been doing for months would unravel.

As desperate as ever to do the right thing he followed his wife.

"Look..." He took the laundry basket from her hands and set it down on the countertop. "...what's wrong?"

"I'm surprised you even noticed something was up Andy." She said cooly. "Since you've not even looked my way on holiday. You've barely touched me for months! You're meant to be my husband, we're meant to be in love but we just feel like two adults sharing the same house."

"I know." He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm just working through some stuff. It's been a weird year."

"It's been weird for me as well, you think I'm not working through stuff too? I just thought that we were trying again because we loved each other not just for convenience."

"I do love you." He knew that one sounded flat. "I'll try harder, I'll be better." He promised for perhaps the hundredth time that year. "You go and sit down, I'll do this."

Gael looked less than convinced, but left the room anyway.

"I'm going to pick up Buster." She said. Their dog was at her parents house and they were due to just bring him over the next day. Andy knew what it felt like to just want some space, so he waved her off.

...

"One present tonight!" Andy warned his children as they sifted through the pile of gifts under the tree. He handed Gael a mug of mulled wine and sat down next to her on the couch.

"I want this one." Arthur pointed to his largest present, a bike.

"No way." Andy laughed.

"Let's open these." Tilly pointed to two identical ones.

"Those are good." Andy nodded.

They ripped the paper off simultaneously to reveal two Harry Potter Lego sets.

"Wow!" They said in unison. "Thanks mum thanks dad." They garbled as they opened the boxes.

"Our turn." Andy turned to Gael. He picked the top present from the pile and handed it to her.

She opened it, and her eyes welled up. It was a framed photo of the spot he had proposed in Costa Rica. "How did you even..."

"I took a picture the last time we were there."

"We argued so much on that trip." She laughed.

"I still took it." He shrugged. "I think I needed reminding of how we felt, how much we loved each other."

"Thank you." She smiled and leaned into his shoulder.

"We'll get there again." He whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

His phone flashed as a message popped up on the screen. He couldn't see who it was from where he was sitting, but it was probably from his mum or brother checking the plans for Christmas dinner.

"Do you want yours?" Gael shifted position to hand him an envelope.

He opened it, there was a card inside with a folded piece of paper.

'Maybe you'll stop moping now.' The card read. He opened the paper with shaking hands, he felt like he already knew what it was as he held it out to read. It was a booking confirmation for flights to New York for new year. He expected to feel dread, but instead he just felt excited. His smile must have said it all.

"Me and Diane just went ahead and sorted it." Gael smiled. "You happy?"

"Very happy. Thanks honey." He inhaled deeply to steady his breathing. Norman hadn't replied to his message, he didn't know what reaction he'd have to the news, but he was going to see him again and in that moment if felt like that was all that mattered.

"Right kids it's bedtime. Go brush your teeth and fetch your stockings." Gael stood up to put an end to the children's Lego building. "But dad has something exciting to tell you."

"How would you feel...if I told you...we are going to see Nanny Norman for new years?!"

"What?! No waaaaay!" Tilly squeeled.

"That is SO COOL!" Arthur punched the air with excitement.

"Think they're happy." Gael wrapped her arms around Andy, he held onto her tightly. He felt the familier mixture of guilt and excitement set in.

"Now go brush your teeth so we can set out the milk and cookies for Santa."

"Dad!" Arthur exclaimed. "We're a little old for that now, we know Santa is just you and mum."

"That's not true, and he's gonna be really sad when he gets no cookies."

"Dad's just gonna eat them." Tilly whispered to Arthur as they climbed the stairs.

Andy chuckled as he picked up his mulled wine. The scene was as perfect as any Christmas Eve he'd ever ask for for his family. The giant tree was adorned with sparkling lights, the pile of presents underneath was huge. The house felt full of the warm energy that only Christmas seemed to bring. He picked up his phone absent mindedly, forgetting he had a message.

He almost dropped it when he saw who it was from. Norman Reedus. Of course he would choose this moment to remind Andy like a sledgehammer of his feelings.

'Merry Christmas handsome.'


End file.
